Tara “Tower” Chandler
The north of the room seats a dark, gloomy Tower
The men in the room heed her sinister glower
They want to avoid her, they curl and they cower
A cruel caustic mouth is the source of her power
An unrefined jewel, a poisonous flower
What in the world made this woman so sour?
You want more dope rhymes? Of course I’ll say yes!
I never pass up a free chance to impress
I’ll craft this here poem with a tender finesse
That’s why they call me a gentleman, Jess!
Yet this battle rap master will never digress
And “nice” ain’t my style, I have to confess
So now I must diss you – Did you expect less?
Your voluminous vocab puts my brain in distress
Such grand obfuscation makes talking a mess
I don’t know what you’re sayin,’ many times I just guess
Such toilsome jargon I’ll never possess
Why don’t you go back to your former address?
No, not New York State, but the depths of Loch Ness
These are just my own views, and I’m free to express
Yet I know your opinion of me might regress
I trust in the end we’re still friends, right? God bless!
What can I saw about dubious Dawn?
She reps English now, so lines have been drawn
From her devious mouth, an insult will spawn
She’ll start yappin’ and flappin’ – I can’t
help but yawn
When she battles me, the outcome’s foregone
I’ll snap off her head like a bayou-bred prawn
I admit that her mean streak has definite brawn
And her wit is as dry as an unwatered lawn
But her stamina’s thin like the neck of a swan
I’m the king of this game, and she’s just a pawn!
Okay Dedra J., You got something to say?
We bonded as vegans, yet now you betray!?
You brighten the day like bouquets of dead hay
How heavy doth weigh your poor gray heart of clay
From the streets of L.A. to the ‘burbs of the Bay
My rhymes are too fresh while yours rot in decay
My flows softly soothe like a graceful ballet
Your words tend to bloat like a greasy buffet
With breath of a dragon that I’ve yet to slay
Your rhyme cred’s as real as a dime store toupee
I tried to survey your weak mind’s disarray
But the gloomy dismay is too deep to convey
You started the fray now with Rhymin’ Big J
You’re brain’s gone astray you ol’ mad black cliché!
GNOWP Diet Plan
Through joining GNOWP, how much weight did you gain?
Those damn extra pounds are becoming your bane
The secret to dieting sure seems arcane
Attending a gym is a miserable pain
So here’s some advice you may tuck in your brain:
When tempted by food, if you want to abstain
Ask the FDA folks, they’ll be glad to explain
How many bugs it’s allowed to contain